I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize