Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
