I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
