Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
