No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
