I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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