I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
