Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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