I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
