I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize