he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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