your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
