It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize