Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
