I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize