I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
