how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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