watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
