It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
