I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
