It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
