My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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