dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
