i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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