Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize