she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
