she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
