he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
