he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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