Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
