Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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