it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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