i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
