Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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