I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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