I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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