cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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