I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
