i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
