I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
