I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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