are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
