you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
