ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
