I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
