How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
