She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
