dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
