Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
