booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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