I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize