Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
