I looked at my own cervix.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I could fuck to npr.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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