i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
