as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
