you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
