we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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