dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
