are you still at the devil's house?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I supernannyed him into submission
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
