I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
