At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
