pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
