We're like a lot better than the average bears
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
