i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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