The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
