I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
