how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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