Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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