I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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