I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Green mimosas i think yes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
