when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
