My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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