she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
