you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
