What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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