This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize