the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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