and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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