i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
