Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
