my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize