Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
