Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
