genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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