Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We left the knife in your bed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
