your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
