Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
time to smoke my breakfast
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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