How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
