I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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