If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
