How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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