I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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