Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
