six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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