Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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