Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize