So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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