after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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