I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
