Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize