So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
