It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
