her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
