Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
